Finding Youself

As I had mentioned before, the step before coming out is coming out to yourself. When you are trying to figure yourself out it can be a hard and long process. It is very difficult for me to completely explain so I decided that I would tell you my story.

My questioning had all started at the end of my 8th grade. It seemed like there has been a thought at the back of my mind. I could never really figure it out what it exactly was. I have heard the term gay a few times and I did not fully understand it. I remember when I was younger having an attraction to certain girls and my younger self thought that it was that I really wanted to be close friends with them. Little did I know it was actually me having a crush on them. I'm not very certain on how I came across the term bisexual. At first I thought nothing of it, but as time progressed it was more and more on my mind. The more I thought of it the more I was in confusion. I tried my best to repress it and move on.

With having this thought to myself, I was going crazy. It was not something that I could repress no matter how hard I tried. I thought it was the best idea to tell my best friend. I was very anxious and I kept delaying telling her until I had finally spit out the words "I need to talk to you". That was the point of no return. She had asked me what was wrong. After a lot of me trying to talk, but not being able to. She asked me if I was gay and I had told her that I thought I was bisexual. I felt amazing after, it was an incredible feeling. Until I found out that she told her mom who told my mom. Long story short I had a long conversation with my mom about my sexuality.

After that conversation I started to question myself even more. I had to ignore it again and I was able to leave that thought for a little bit until I started high school. But high school was where I started to accept myself more and more. I was completely fine with my sexuality in the middle of 10th grade. I was always told that your worst critique is yourself and it 100% true.

Here's a video made by Buzzfeed that really show the figuring out process.

Being A LGBT Student

School can be filled with homework, trying to fit in, trying to get good grades and more. When you are faced with all of this stress from school work it can make it even harder when being LGBT since it makes you just a little more different from others. For certain schools being LGBT can be easier whereas for other schools it can be quite difficult.

For me being LGBT in a catholic school is not that bad. Sure there are a few times someone has been homophobic toward me, but other than that it's pretty good. When I first started to come out I was scared that I would get hate, I was very cautious about who I came out to and avoided telling my friends that I thought would not be okay with it. But rumors were going around and by the beginning of 10th grade I was aware that it was no longer a secret. By that times I was comfortable with myself and did not mind everyone knowing, honestly it was easier knowing I did not have to hide.

Dating as LGBT student can be tricky with certain people in certain school. Some couples would rather hide it from the school whereas others are completely open about their relationship. It's a bit easier when the students are in different school since they do not see each other, but when it comes to dating someone of the same sex could be a little more difficult depending on the school. My current relationship is very open and not hidden. When I started dating her I thought that we would get some homophobic comments, but we have not gotten any to our faces. We do know some have been said behind our back, but I do not mind at all.

A good thing that should be done in all schools is having a GSA. A GSA is a gay straight alliance. Anyone can attend meeting and it could be for multiple reasons, either it's just a open place to talk or it's a place to make a change for LGBT students. Just because someone attends a GSA does not mean that they are part of the LGBT community.

Here is a video done by Steph on being LGBT in school. She is lesbian and was the only out person in her small Jewish school.

Identity and Labels

When you come out you must have a certain identity or label. Most people will use the closest identity to themselves or will know completely their identity. But certain people may not know completely their identity or chose not to identify with a label. I believe that we should break away from labels and identities since they can constrain people. Every person is different and they may not find a label that completely explains their identity. Also, for every identity it can be explained in different way as well as certain people may see an identity differently than someone else.

If some one identifies as being bisexual most people will see it as being attracted to both females and males. Whereas the person identifying as such label may define it as being attracted to females and non-binary (someone who does not identify as being cisgender) people. In reality, the prefix bi means two which could mean that someone is attracted to two different genders. Which could lead to confusion of the person who identifies as bisexual and confusion for those around them.

Personally when I talk about my sexuality I rather say that I am not straight rather than saying an identity since I do not find myself identifying strictly with a certain label. I can admit that I do ask someone identity, but I try my best to break out of that habit. If you want to know someone identity do not pressure them into telling you. If they do tell you that they do not know it perfectly fine. If someone discloses their identity ask them if they would like to refrain from telling others.

A big problem is trying to label someone. Many people will try to put a name to your identity. Sure it's easy when you identify as being an "easy" identity such as heterosexual/homosexual or cisgender/transgender. But when it starts to become more complicated like bisexual/pansexual or genderfluid/non-binary. As being someone who is between bisexual and pansexual it can get quite complicated for me and for others. People tend to label me as being gay since I'm in a relationship with a woman, but just because someone is in a relationship with someone does not mean that their sexuality just erased itself.

With all of this said, I will leave you with a video that is a discussion between Ashley Mardell and Jazza about whether or not there should be identities. This video really shows both sides of the conversation.

Stereotypes and Misconceptions

When being a part of the LGBT community there are many stereotypes placed upon you. These stereotypes create misconceptions about how a person either feels or should and should not act. These are now place upon those of a certain sexuality or gender and must act upon these stereotypes to be accepted as who they are.

Who is the man in the relationship?
Who is the woman in the relationship?
Lesbians are butch.
Gay men are flamboyant.
Bisexuals are greedy.
Transgender people are confused.
And the list goes on...

A big reason why there are still these stereotypes is because they are not address as being false. It is believed that if you do not follow certain stereotypes you are not that identity. These stereotypes have been placed upon people by society. The biggest thing that I get is either, "I knew you weren't straight because you are a tomboy" or "Who is the man in the relationship? You must be because you are more masculine than your girlfriend." Many people in the LGBT community receive comments such as these. I receive those questions/remarks quite often and mainly reply that I am in a relationship with her because I like her and she likes me. We are gay couple, but it does not mean we mimic a straight relationship. I like when my relationship is treated like one of a straight couple, but it does not mean that everything is identical.

Many non-cisgendered (those who do not identify with their sex) people are faced with the pressures of gender roles and stereotypes. Many transgender people are subjected to being called not masculine enough or not feminine enough which can cause them to conform to society's standards. It is told by society that there are only two genders (female and male), when in reality there is a whole multitude of genders. Gender is more of a spectrum rather than just two separate gender. Someones sex should not be confused with someones gender.

This Genderbread Person explains the difference between biological sex,
gender identity, gender expression and attraction.

Our society need to be educated on how there are more to it when it comes to someones gender. As well as learning that just because someone might fall under certain stereotypes does not mean that they are that identity.

Coming Out

I believe the hardest part of being LGBT is coming out. Most people do not realize that the first part of coming out is coming out to yourself. Before even telling others, you need to establish to yourself that you identify as someone of the LGBT community. Some people such as myself may doubt the fact that you do not follow social norms. Others have known who they are and are comfortable with the fact of who they are. Once someone is comfortable with their identity the next step is telling someone.

This step might be as hard as the first step or it might be easier. It always depends on the person. Another factor of coming out is whether or not someone will accept you. That was my main fact when coming out. Most people try to find the perfect person to tell that they know will accept them for being themselves. For my case, I believed that my best friend at the time was the perfect person to come out to. When coming out for the very first time it could be nerve wreaking. It is a secret that many keep to themselves until it either it comes out by accident or the person tells someone. Everyone coming out story is different and never the same. For certain people it is no surprise of them being LGBT, whereas for other people it can come as a shock to those who are informed.

In my case, many where shocked to hear the fact that I was indeed not straight. I did get many times the saying that it is just a phase and that I will get over it. As I said before for each person coming it could be completely different. You can listen to thousands coming out stories and take away certain strategies/tips, but there is never just one way of coming out. The biggest to remember is to let someone come out at their own pace and never force them to tell you their sexuality.

On October 11th every year it is National Coming Out Day.

Here are a few of my favorite coming out videos. They really explain the thought process behind figuring yourself out and coming out. These videos are quite relatable if you are going through and when through the coming out process.

                                                     Connor Franta's Coming Out video

                                                     Troye Sivan's Coming Out video